Hey!!!! Bet anyone reading this but Chad thinks I died or something.  Not died, just busy, only seven more weeks until I graduate and I still need to find a job and stuff.  *sigh* wish, Chad just would have looked out of state this summer, but no he wanted to try to keep me close to my family. I understand that, but really, I love him and want to be with him.  It don't matter were.  There are phones, I can still talk to my family.  I'm did he even stop to think that I do hardly get to see my family as is.  Talking on the phone a couple times a week is alright with me, hell haven't even seen mom since I came back to tech this term.  Being in another state wont make a difference, but oh will its in the past now.  I just really hope one of us can find a job.  I want to start my life with Chad as soon as possible.

Ok, another thing I want to get off my chest.  I am poor.  I always have been.  It is just part of my life.  Nether good nor bad, it just is.  Sometimes I think Chad don't really understand that.  I didn't have much. Hell at some points I didn't have anything.  I sometimes feel like even after college nothing is going to change, I will still be poor, barely making. When I finish college, and start my life, it will be hard for me.  Yes, I know everyone is a little scarred of going out on their own for the first time, but I am down right terrified. Being poor has "sheltered" me from some stuff that others had to deal will.  It as also coursed the some problems.  The one I like to point out would be this second childhood thing I have been doing.  But that isn't what I meant to talk about.  What I was trying to being up is this. I hear I am siting her, typing way on this dumb site, I should be studying.  I have a Business Law test, Wednesday, I haven't studied or anything. I am only hurting myself by doing this.  Maybe I am afraid of success, I have heard of that before.  Maybe I don't really want to be happy. grrr. I don't know.  I love Chad, and I can only hope that been with him, will help me get past these dumb fears of mine.